THE COOKBOOK TEST: CULINARY NOTES FOR MY SON AND DAUGHTER

Cooking tips that the author hopes will outlive him, far, far, in the future from now

On the off chance that I beef it on my motorcycle and die in the near future and don't have time to bore my kids into complete catatonia with a bunch of cooking tips, I hereby leave this legacy for their enjoyment and edification. [1]

1. (Actually) Read the (Entire) Recipe

It's a good idea to get your head around the entire method and timing of a recipe before you start chopping things up. However confident you may be at the outset of a recipe, you don't necessarily know the experience and plans of your culinary guide, so it's best to get the drill completely sorted before plunging in.

The number of times I've gotten halfway through a recipe only to discover some variation on "now leave it in the fridge overnight" or "begin soaking the chickpeas only on a Friday with a full moon" or "let the dough rest for a fortnight" is far greater than zero.

This can be expanded, in fact, to life in general: Do the work. Read the book. Go to the thing. Complete the homework and extra credit. Show up on time, or even a little early. It's so tedious and boring and old school in the worst way, and it's also totally true. Doing the work is why we're here. And I don't mean sucking up and surrendering extra labor to bad bosses - I mean doing the work of being present for life as much as you can.

2. Cultivate Your Garden

Some of the cooking that has made me happiest has used ingredients grown in my family's yard and garden. Whether it's Montmorency cherries, rhubarb, mint, raspberries, sumac, butternut squash, tomatoes, or aronia, there's something visceral and wonderful and almost cheesily joyful about cooking with something grown on site.

I've found a similar joy in wearing shirts that my incredibly talented wife has made from scratch. Sure, they look good and they're comfortable. But they're also one-off artifacts made by someone who loves me. That rules! It's hard to get any better than that! That’s living, baby!

3. Have Smaller Parties But Have More of Them

One of the biggest obstacles to entertaining friends in your home is the idea that everything needs to be top-notch, which means a thorough house-cleaning, a scratch-made menu, a heart-wrenching decision process about the invite list, a seating plan, bespoke cocktails, and etcetera and so forth. If this is the way you plan parties (and I'll be honest, we sometimes do it this way), you'll have very few of them, or none of them at all. But if you instead say: "Wouldn't it be fun to have a random collection of 4-12 people over for brunch / cocktails / bratwurst / sandwiches and cake?" it all gets a lot easier and a lot less stressful. When we're on point around here, we host 1-2 gatherings a month, which adds to our workload and stress while returning to us big heaping piles of joy and satisfaction. It's a fine trade!

4. Feed the Freezer

If you can figure out your best 4-5 meals that freeze like a dream (ours: empanadas, chicken pot pie, shepherd's pie, lasagna, chili) you can make them on the regular and stash away a reserve of 4-8 meals so that you are never forced, even on a night of hunger and despair, to rely on a third party delivery service. Eating a tasty homemade meal created by yourself or your spouse is miles away better than scrounging through the pantry or eating mediocre takeout.

5. Fear the Microwave

I don't know what it is, I just feel like microwaves have bad juju. I don't think they heat things "right." I will always heat things on the stovetop rather than microwave them, and I will never, ever cook in the microwave, ever, under any circumstances. Are they cursed objects? I think they're probably cursed objects.

6. Start With Science

When it comes time to learn additional cooking techniques and recipes, seek out the science-aware, process-driven, clarity-over-romance instructors out there: the Cook's Illustrateds and Serious Eats and Alton Browns of the world, if you will. They can at times be stuffy or ponderous or blather-prone, yes. But you are rarely (if ever) left confused or wanting more information, and more often or not you not only learn something new, you learn the rational underpinnings of why it works, too.

7. Bad Grill, Good Charcoal

I have the low-key belief that humans do not need a grill or smoker much more sophisticated than a barrel fire with a grate over it. You will never (ever) catch me on Thanksgiving complaining that my pellet-grill had a software glitch that prevented me from smoking my turkey; instead, I'll be outside smoking my 20-pound bird in a barrel fire with a grate over it, and a bowl of water beneath the grate. The charcoal will be top notch lump stuff, and the wood chunks will likely be cherrywood from my own tree. But that grill will be CHEAP. And it will make beautiful food.

8. Know Your Friends, Renew Your Knowledge

Different people drink in different ways - some people drink a lot, some people want a single cocktail, some people are grateful for an n/a option. Some people don't drink coffee; some people (seriously) consume roughly a pot of coffee personally over the course of brunch. (No shade: I am one of those people.) Some people love seafood, some people are vegan, some people revel in red meat. And everybody's tastes and allergies and preferences evolve and shift over time. So try to figure out what will make your guests happy, and keep asking about it. It's not just demonstrating that you care, it's the definition of caring.

9. Mise en Place

As much as you can: Clean your workstation, pre-chop / dice / trim, organize your ingredients in a chronological way, be completely ready to cook before you start cooking. You'll do the same amount of work either way, but if you set up as much as possible in advance, you'll actually have a lot more fun doing it.

10. Clean as You Go

Most recipes have down time - a 30-minute rest, a 45-minute bake, a 10-minute steam. While you're resting, do the work of cleaning the kitchen so that your next step can move that much more smoothly. (Note: My kitchen is about 3 square feet, so this is particularly relevant and important.)

11. Go to the Right Marketplace, Wherever or Whatever It May Be

If you're cooking Vietnamese food, hit a pan-Asian or Southeast Asian market. Making jerk chicken? Hit the Caribbean spot. Buying bulk herbs and spices? An Indian market or Mexican market will be the ticket. Don't ever feel constrained by the closest grocery store or the most affordable Costco option, even though both of those options certainly have their time and place. Get out to all the specialty markets in your part of the world, get comfortable with them, get to know their offerings, and find yourself saving money, avoiding boring substitutions, and actually learning a little something about the wider world.

12. Cooking is Love, and Love is Fun

Christ, that header would be perfect on an apron that I would caustically mock at a mall-based chain cooking store. Nonetheless, I must swallow my pride and say that I believe it. When you're cooking for people you care about, you're connecting, you're telling a story, and you're having fun. Don't miss a chance to do it.

[1] NOTE: I do not in fact own a motorcycle, it's a High Fidelity reference. But the point stands, you can't predict when your own time is going to expire. I think I've made peace with that, but please do ask me again when the grim reaper is grabbing me by the collar and dragging me out the door.